Nervous as a Cat's Tail in a Room Full of Rocking Chairs

Yep. That's me.

I had my HSG performed on Monday, and today is Thursday. I should get the results today. So far, no call, and I waited long enough that the office is closed for lunch at the moment. I won't pretend I'm strong enough to hold out much longer. I'll be calling around 1:30 to see if they have any news.

In the meantime, I've given into the divisive little monster that lives inside of me whispering, "Hey, why don't you do a search on Google, or WebMD, just to see what the worst case scenario is... you know, to be prepared."

Prepared, my ass. Petrified would be the correct term.

We'll refer to this monster as the Infoholic Witch. She pops up quite frequently in my life. Though, I must admit, I make it easy for her. A chick like me with a medical resume as long as your arm is an ideal habitat for the Infoholic Witch. She loves terms like "rare disorder", "Minocycline-Induced Lupus", "statistical improbability", and "unexplained, sudden-onset hypertension". I am a veritable feeding-ground of worry and ripe soil for any manner of clinical disorder.

But the most attractive aspect of this habitat for the Infoholic Witch is my passing acquaintance with biology, genetics, and science in general. My father was a biologist, and I planned on following that line until I woke up my sophomore year in college and realized that English was much better suited to both me and my GPA. I grew up receiving the real answer to such questions as, "Why is the grass green?" or "Why do magnets stick?" None of that "'Cause God made it that way" stuff for this young girl.

As a consequence, I have an uncanny ability to understand and reiterate other people’s scientific knowledge. Just enough to delve into the underbelly of it all without a tour guide. The result is pathetic. It usually involves self-induced panics and gloss-eyed stupors as my hand scrawls down note after note about certain clinical terms and hair-brained theories on how certain conditions may be linked.

I must be a doctor's nightmare. But the Infoholic Witch, she's in heaven.

So after giving into her this morning, my Google search produced a lovely array of titles full of lovely words: Hysterectomy; Infertility; Lesions; Dissection; and yes, Hysterectomy a few gagillion more times - just to drive the point home.

Did I mention Hysterectomy?

So, I've fed the Infoholic Witch a turkey sandwich for lunch in hopes that that will stave her off until I make the phone call. I know it's not nearly as satisfying a meal as paranoia with a side of hysteria, but I pray it will do.

Comments

[Michele]

Not even an hour ago, I received a lecture from my husband not google anything else about any medical problem that ails me.
You see, I've been visiting the Infoholic Witch too, Julia. Even though my nurse, doctor, husband, mother, and father have urged me to leave her alone, I can't help it. I have to see what the InfoWitch says. And yes, like you , I scare myself silly. Yesterday, the Infoholic Witch told me about a study of women who choose bovine valves and get pregnant. Two women in the study died. That was all the Witch needed to show me, I was on the phone crying to my mother. It was later pointed out to me that they were two women out of A LOT of women in the study, and that the study said that women with cow valves are at no more risk during a pregnancy than the general population.
I can't help it, I always turn to the Infoholic Witch. When one of my dogs get sick, I go to her. She convinces me that my dogs are dying. Oh, that f'n Infoholic Witch. I love her, I hate her.

I hope you get your test results pronto and that you are bombarded with good news.

[Mollie]

Guilty, guilty, guilty as well. I spend way, way, way too much time looking up keywords like "symptoms of late miscarriage," etc. Achieving pregnancy has done nothing to appease the Infoholic Witch in my neighborhood. In fact, she's just cackling away, more than ever.

[Kari]

Guilty here as well. More now than ever, since my ectopic. The Infoholic Whitch has nothing for me other than I was one of the ones with an ectopic due to bad luck. Gee, Thanks.

[KJB]

Infoholic Witch... she knows just enough info to understand a problem, but not enough to figure out how to resolve the problem.

[virginia]

InfoholicWitch.com..... That sounds like a great blog name! who's gonna be first to reserve it!
Seriously, I've been reading you a couple of weeks now and you are one of my favorites.
hang in there, good luck!

[Julie]

The Infoholic Witch sometimes displays scary powers of prognostication, though. When I learned that the gestational sac was small on pregnancy #2, the Infoholic Witch gave the pregnancy an 80-94% chance of failing...and damned if it didn't! Thanks a pantload, witchypoo.

[Mollie]

"Infoholic Witch" AND "Thanks a pantload," all in one stream! My GOD but my vocabulary just swells from the education I get from you gals. The rest of me swells with gratitude. If it weren't for you people, I don't think I'd ever laugh!!

[Jo]

Oh yes, I know the Infoholic well. My father is a doctor, and only recently have I come to terms with the fact that I, as an English major now several years out of college, am not myself going to medical school. She brings just enough good knowledge into my life to warrant (in my mind, at least) frequent returns to the almighty Google.

I wish you the best with your results. I mean, if the HSG alone wasn't awesome enough.