False Name

I have a decision to make, and I'm hoping you can help.

I imagine any of you who've been in a bookstore in the past year or so have seen this book.  (Take a minute to read the editorial review, to get a feel for it.)  I'm not even what the mainstream would define as a "liberal", and yet, I'm nauseated by the book.  Anyone who can earnestly claim that a giant segment of our population considers abortion a "sacrament" is both out of touch with reality and lacking in the most human quality of all - the ability to sympathize.

This woman is writing a response to Coulter's book.  She's an author of several other bestsellers, and - for lack of a better term - a token Democrat for Fox News.  Her assistant approached me a few days ago and asked for permission to reprint Thomas's story in a chapter about the need for safe, legal abortion. 

I was flattered that Susan had even heard of me, and grateful for another opportunity to share our experiences to broaden the minds of others who might otherwise be tempted to think of abortion in black-and-white terms.  I agreed immediately to allow her to use the story.

It also dawned on me that this might be a good opportunity to help me attain a literary agent for my own book.  At the very least, it would lend some weight and national attention to our story.

Which leads me to the big question: my name.

Do I attach my full name to this story?  Or do I use a pseudonym?  It's a question I'd have to answer one way or another if and when I proceed with my book.  But now, I'll have to decide more quickly.  By the 30th, to be precise.

There are obvious advantages to attaching my name:
1. Making a "name" for myself.  Pun intended. 
2. Pride.  Not only for myself, but for Thomas, and my whole family.  We should never have to hide ourselves or be ashamed of what we did for him.  Nor should any woman who's had an abortion.
3. Assuming I did one day publish my own book, the only way to successfully market it would be to personally engage - through book tours, readings, radio and TV spots.  So my face would be connected with it, regardless of the name.

And there is a big disadvantage to attaching my name:
1. Scary, dangerous fanatics.

This one may override all others.  My family's security is paramount.  PARAMOUNT.  I do recognize that the most likely consequence to all of this would be condescending prayers for the welfare of my eternal soul. (I welcome prayer, but not false prayer that's really only intended as pity or scorn.)  I might also receive unwanted mail (pictures, "literature", etc.), but I imagine this can be circumvented by a P.O. box and someone to screen the contents.

But there are still that select cadre of human beings (I use the term loosely) who think killing is an answer.  Clinics are still bombed.  Doctors and providers are still targeted.  Would this risk extend to me?  How could I take measures to safeguard my family?

Also, I have an established career as a freelance writer.  Would publicizing our experiences cost me future business?  Would it make me easier to trace?  How would I bridge those two worlds if I used a pseudonym?

A good friend is trying to set up a meeting for me with Sarah Weddington.  (And yes, I might wet my pants if that actually happens.)  If anyone would know the implications of having your name forever linked to the topic of abortion, it would be her.

Do any of you have any thoughts on this?  I'm swaying wildly from one side to another with every passing moment.  What would you do?

Comments

[Georgia]

Hmm. That's a tough one. I'd get Sarah's input, for sure.
I have the same conflicting thoughts as you--namely, that's it's essential you don't present your situation as shameful, b/c what you did was so brave, and you have to honor yourself/Thomas/your family, and you want to give strength to others in your position. On other hand, as you said, protecting your family is key.
I would lean toward using my name, especially if I were trying to publish a book. I think that you may well get freaky letters, but I think it's providers who tend to be the targets for violence.

[Kay]

I'd go with a pen name. Steven King did. When you get to be famous - you can out yourself then. Personally, I would worry for Hannah Banana.

I'm generally, "pro-life", but my empathy gene just doesn't allow me to consider in ANY way, shape, or form, that what you did for Thomas was wrong. It was SO SO right - for your family and for him. I'm so unbelievably sorry it ever had to happen. I will tell you that your story is what opened my eyes to the need to keep abortion legal. I might not like all the circumstances of how it gets used, but we HAVE to protect women like you and babies like Thomas.

That said, not everyone is like me. I would just hate for some idiot to spout off something hateful about you to their kid and have it hurt Hannah in any way. Not until she is MUCH older and can understand the difficult choice you and your husband made.

Good luck. God bless.

Kay (I'll buy your book no matter what the name you use is)

[luolin]

That sounds like a hard decision. Good luck.

One thing to consider might be that you are already public, to the extent that you spoke to the Lege committee that time, your picture is on your blog, etc. So it might be a false sense of security you get from a pen name. Gosh, I sound paranoid, sorry, but what I mean is that you can still take measures to protect your security even if using your real name.

On the other hand, there is a long history of authors using pen names, or different names for different genres (for ex, academics who use pen names to write mysteries, pulp fiction writers who use different names for mainstream vs. erotic books) so you could make a "name" for yourself that is separate from your freelance work.

[Heather Ann]

My husband and I recently had a huge huge huge argument about what he does on the internet. What he does on the internet is this. He goes to Islam dot com to see what is being said, so he knows how "the other side is thinking." Then, he engages people in debate. He is a Jew. He is looking for trouble. He used his address - our address - and all real personal information to get a username and password. He used our home computer with our isp.....okay, so I happen to think that this is dangerous and could, in this day and age, result in something really bad. I also think that there are enough anti-abortion wack jobs out there to get your house blown up if you are not careful. I would not use my real name. It is not because you are ashamed - it is because you have a family that must at all costs be protected. As Georgia said, it is usually the abortion providers who are at the receiving end of the violence and the hate, but I am coming out of the box strong on this one. I don't know why, but that is my opinion today, tonight, right now. You will make your own decision and it will be right for you, and I will be here batting for you whatever you decide. And you can tell me to shut it whenver you want! ;)

[Natalee]

Tough one. I am equally divided. I immediately thought of both sides of this before I even scrolled down to see that you had as well.

I think maybe a pen name consisting of some sort of family names? That way it still honors the family and does not show any shame about your brave decision for Thomas, but also protects Bananna.

Sure, there are some that will connect the dots due to this blog, and the public record, but I think, like you said, you'll just get alot of "prayers".

Good luck.

[And Baby Makes Four]

I don't envy your decision...it is an extremely tough one.

I read Thomas' story for the first time today, and am typing through tears....I want to say that I can't imagine how anyone could not understand the choice you made.

My guess is that there is a reason the fanatics bomb places like abortion clinics - they do not have a name and a face, or a story that easily evokes empathy as yours certainly does. I wonder if Sarah can give you some statistics on the bombings and hate mail, and how often individuals are targeted (rather than clinics) and if their backstories are sympathetic in nature, rather than, say, a doctor? How many moms are targeted by these radical groups? And what are the stories behind them?

[techie]

I would want to know the final result before I said yes. I think my fear would be a twisting of events or something.

[Ellen]

Reading through your post, you say it yourself: Your family's security is paramount. If this is indeed true, then I believe that you've answered the question for yourself. Don't give your last name. Future marketing or not, you would never forgive yourself if something happened.

[wavybrains]

Could you try to market more of your writing under your maiden name and some of your writing under your married name--I do this to divide up genres/types of writing. You can always mention in a cover letter--"I also publish articles under X name or I have a chapter in X book under X name"

[Bethany]

Such a tough decision! Safety is THE most important thing, but choice rights are important too. I would probably use my name - but I totally understand why you wouldn't. I think some of your readers have some good ideas.

[Beth]

I was thinking of something like Natalee said about family names. If you changed your name when you got married, maybe you could use your maiden name. If you kept your maiden name, you could use Todd's last name. I know this would not completely prevent someone from finding you, but it could prevent the average nut from finding you with a Zabasearch.

[CathyY]

If you re-read your post, your answer is in it. Decision made.

[margalit]

I've known Susan since elementary school. Use your real name. Tell her what you want her to include and what you don't. She's an honorable woman and she'll respect your choices. She's all about choice!

[Lisa V]

I would make my phone number unlisted and put in my name.

[Alice]

If it were me, I'd do the unlisted phone # and PO Box thing and go with my real name. I've got a strong bias towards being 'out' in as many ways as is feasible for any person's situation - AND you're the only one who can know how feasible it would be to use your full name, and how comfortable (or uncomfortable) the alternatives would feel.

For figuring out what'll work best for you, I'd suggest:

- getting statistics about how many folks are actually targeted for violence, and whether anyone who wasn't a clinic employee has ever been a target. I've never heard of anyone who was visibly pro-choice in the way you're talking about being on the receiving end of violence because of it, but I know that actual facts would probably be more helpful than a blog comment! I'd recommend the National Abortion Federation as a starting point for the #s - they seem to have a *ton* of data on this stuff, although I couldn't find anything on their website about non-clinic violence.

- are you afraid of other responses that aren't physically violent? Folks saying stuff to Hannah if the story becomes more well-known locally, being known as pro-choice before you're known as anything else, etc.? I know you didn't list these as concerns, but they may be contributing to a feeling of discomfort, nevertheless.

- try and find some quiet moments to figure out what your gut says - hard work with the little one around, to be sure! But since there are unknowable tradeoffs involved, it's really the best way I can think of to approach this.

[sozzled]

No one can answer this for you, it is something you have to decide on your own. But my perspective is this; in the news we read about abortion clinics being targeted, we read about doctors wearing bullet proof vests and the measures they have to take to keep safe. People who have had abortions and are out in the open about it have not had these same kinds of threats. I am not afraid to have my name on annual donor lists for Planned Parenthood or NARAL or any other prochoice organization, but this is a choice I have made that I am comfortable with and that my husband agrees with.

As far as your future business contacts go, this is another thing altogether. But what is the likelyhood that they will read the book and remember your name to put you together with a chapter in a book? And if they don't hire you because of it, perhaps they are people who you wouldn't want to work with anyway?

I realize it isn't easy, and there is no right or wrong answer, but it is exciting to think about sharing your story and the good that might come from it.

[Whit]

I think you need more info about what the potential dangers could be, but I'm leaning towards using your real name. But equally important, before you sign off on any use of your story, as someone mentioned above, make sure they potray it accurately down to the final edit. Any omissions or twisting or "interpreting" of facts could be more harmful in the long run.

[Heels/Stephanie]

Be safe and careful above all else, but it's your name and it's your family's story.

My opinion isn't worth jack, but I think your name belongs on such an important story. I also think that your reasons for potentially not using your name are valid, so there you go.

[cagey]

I'm a "use your real name" kinda gal for "real" publications. As such, the primary reason I use a "cagey"like pseudonym is to prevent easy Google juice from ex-boyfriends. More for privacy, than security.

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. ~ Viginia Woolf

[Amy]

I think I would probably use my own name. But I would also speak to someone in law inforcement (Your local police or your regional FBI) to ask if there are any precautions you should take besides unlisting your phone number. I honesetly don't think you need to worry but I'm a "be prepared" kind of person and it can't hurt to be as informed as possible. I look forward to the book. Ann Coulter regularly makes steam come out of my ears (and expeletives come out of my mouth). Something about her just really pushes my buttons more than all the other loudmouths on tv. I'm getting worked up just thinking about her.

[Mary]

The fact that this is even a decision you have to make is a sad reflection of the unstable world we live in today. This angers me. Do what you think is best for you and your family Julia. I'll buy your book regardless of what name is printed on the cover.

[Celeste]

Lurker from Aitch's blogroll delurking....

I think the most likely scenario is what Cecily encountered--a troll or two deciding to needle you via your blog. You would then block him or her. I don't think most would go any further. I think the real steam is saved for abortion providers, in terms of the future. This is JMHO, of course.

I'm also of the opinion that having an unlisted number when you have a child, is not an easy thing to do. This is why we screen calls (for the most part) at my house. With an active child underfoot, it almost always works out better to return a call at a better time for us. I'm just saying.

Definitely discuss these concerns; truthfully though I don't see why you can't have a pen name in the interview and your own name when you publish. Or just your first name in the interview, with an asterisk to explain that you are interested in preserving your privacy at this time. That's a common convention that doesn't seem to do any harm to the story.

[Cecily]

If they'd asked me to talk about Nick and Zack, I would use my real name. I think it's that important, frankly. For me, using a different name would imply shame at some level. And you aren't performing abortions (that is who the dangerous fanatics target), after all.

[bj]

Since you've asked, I will offer the opinion that it should be with your full real name. Some folks have mentioned theperception that using a pseudonym means shame, but for me, the stronger argument is that when we allow the crazy fanatic terrorists to shape our lives, we let them win.
bj

[bj]

I re-read my comment above, and was relieved that I didn't tell you what I would do in your situation. And, that's because I can't. I have no idea what I would do in your situation. I really respect the strength with which you have told your story, but I can't say I would have that same strength.

bj