False Name

I have a decision to make, and I'm hoping you can help.

I imagine any of you who've been in a bookstore in the past year or so have seen this book.  (Take a minute to read the editorial review, to get a feel for it.)  I'm not even what the mainstream would define as a "liberal", and yet, I'm nauseated by the book.  Anyone who can earnestly claim that a giant segment of our population considers abortion a "sacrament" is both out of touch with reality and lacking in the most human quality of all - the ability to sympathize.

This woman is writing a response to Coulter's book.  She's an author of several other bestsellers, and - for lack of a better term - a token Democrat for Fox News.  Her assistant approached me a few days ago and asked for permission to reprint Thomas's story in a chapter about the need for safe, legal abortion. 

I was flattered that Susan had even heard of me, and grateful for another opportunity to share our experiences to broaden the minds of others who might otherwise be tempted to think of abortion in black-and-white terms.  I agreed immediately to allow her to use the story.

It also dawned on me that this might be a good opportunity to help me attain a literary agent for my own book.  At the very least, it would lend some weight and national attention to our story.

Which leads me to the big question: my name.

Do I attach my full name to this story?  Or do I use a pseudonym?  It's a question I'd have to answer one way or another if and when I proceed with my book.  But now, I'll have to decide more quickly.  By the 30th, to be precise.

There are obvious advantages to attaching my name:
1. Making a "name" for myself.  Pun intended. 
2. Pride.  Not only for myself, but for Thomas, and my whole family.  We should never have to hide ourselves or be ashamed of what we did for him.  Nor should any woman who's had an abortion.
3. Assuming I did one day publish my own book, the only way to successfully market it would be to personally engage - through book tours, readings, radio and TV spots.  So my face would be connected with it, regardless of the name.

And there is a big disadvantage to attaching my name:
1. Scary, dangerous fanatics.

This one may override all others.  My family's security is paramount.  PARAMOUNT.  I do recognize that the most likely consequence to all of this would be condescending prayers for the welfare of my eternal soul. (I welcome prayer, but not false prayer that's really only intended as pity or scorn.)  I might also receive unwanted mail (pictures, "literature", etc.), but I imagine this can be circumvented by a P.O. box and someone to screen the contents.

But there are still that select cadre of human beings (I use the term loosely) who think killing is an answer.  Clinics are still bombed.  Doctors and providers are still targeted.  Would this risk extend to me?  How could I take measures to safeguard my family?

Also, I have an established career as a freelance writer.  Would publicizing our experiences cost me future business?  Would it make me easier to trace?  How would I bridge those two worlds if I used a pseudonym?

A good friend is trying to set up a meeting for me with Sarah Weddington.  (And yes, I might wet my pants if that actually happens.)  If anyone would know the implications of having your name forever linked to the topic of abortion, it would be her.

Do any of you have any thoughts on this?  I'm swaying wildly from one side to another with every passing moment.  What would you do?

Comments

[Blue]

What a difficult question!
It seems a bit wrong of me to encourage you to use your real name since I do not share my own, but I agree with Cecily. I think it is important to get your story out there. People have the idea that abortion is for 16 year old girls who get in trouble and need a way out. They need to hear your side too. It may eventually cost you business but in the long run you may gain more from those who appreciate you standing up for your decisions.
Using your maiden name and having an unlisted number are good suggestions. I am sure talking to someone who has been there will give you more ideas of ways to safeguard your family.
Good Luck!

[Rach]

Pen name.

I'm one of those "black and white" abortion people, after dealing with some serious, serious issues with our baby girl. That said, I respect your opinion.

I know there are many who might take it a step further and try something.

Pen name.

[Kathleen]

For this issue, if you are not comfortable using your real name, then I wonder if perhaps the author should contact someone else? Not because your story is not worthy, it most certainly is, but because shame (real or percieved) is a weapon that has been used so bluntly on women concerning this issue.

We all understand that the security aspect for your family reflects on the violence level associated with a faction of the anti-choice movement. But I guarentee you that the anti-choicers will use it as an example of how ashamed women are, even if they claim not to be. I would hate to see your story twisted like that.

I do have some personal experience with this issue that I'll share as well...

When I worked as a Legal Advocate for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, my name did not appear on our phone listing or local bills. As I had anticipated, I had enraged men scream at me that they knew my name (they did) and that they were going to hunt me down (they didn't, thankfully.)

I used my real name, not a family name, by choice. I was cautious about it but, in the end, I'm proud of what I did and that my real name is associated with that work. Perhaps you would end up feeling the same? (Or perhaps not, just my pov...)

Good luck with your decision process.

[Ren]

Was pointed here by Cecily. As someone who identifies strongly with the pro-life movement, it makes me physically ill to know that you have a valid concern in regards to using your real name in connection with your story. I'm horrified by the fanatics who, as you say, lack the basic ability to empathize and sympathize.

I'd like to echo what Cecily said, though, about whom the fanatics target. While it's sick and twisted and I don't condone it AT ALL, the rationale behind the bombings and killings is that if you kill an abortionist, you save innocent children's lives. It seems to me that while you may be a target for hateful mail and will certainly be thought of as someone to be prayed for, I think it's unlikely you'd be targeted as someone who ought to be physically harmed.

Good luck making your decision.

[false name]

What a tough call. I've also made AHC (trisomy 18) after years of infertility, finally getting pregnant from our first IVF.

And I'm also a professional writer who is known by members of a particular community totally unrelated to fertility issues. I've started to blog about my infertility and loss experiences, but have chosen to remain anonymous so far.

I'll be very interested in whatever you decide to do and how it works out for you. Good luck.

[Dirty]

I think a pen name sounds like a good idea. I'm a cautious type though. I guess I would just say that if you're having any doubts at all then it's better to err on the safe side. Good luck with the decision!

[Shandra]

I'm very glad you're sharing your story and I think that's the main thing. I personally think it depends on how common your name is... if it's not crazily unique, I'd probably squidge a compromise by using an initial and my last name. If it is, then I might use a pseudonym or a truncated version.

[Simone]

Pen name.
You said it, Fanatics. You don't need that Julia.

[RainbowW]

if the determined fanatics want to shoot you, you'll get shot at, pseudonym or no. your name and your face are on your blog (even if not your last name), as well as your story, of course. you testified before the texas legislature under your real name, and anybody with enough time on their hands can dig that up and connect your story to your pseudonym.

instead, be a texan: mount an M-60 on top of your house.

[Amy]

If you are totally concerned about yourself and your families welfare use a pen name. If you are completely willing to put yourself and your story out there be honest and sign it honestly.

In this day and age I cannot comprehend the fear of not owning up to your real life experiences in this regard and saying, 'this is how it was and what I did'.

But I am Canadian and people are less likely to come after me for my rights and belief system.

Abortion in this day and age for whatever reason needs to be recognized as a womans right. I have to say that if men were the child bearers in our society things would be very, very, different.

[Cat, Galloping]

I just don't know what I would do. We *need* people willing to fight this battle, but I doubt I'd be willing to risk my personal sense of security to do it. But if I wouldn't, how can I expect other people to do it for me? And if no one does it, how can we exepct to maintain our rights? I just don't know. An impossible dilemma. I wish you much strength in making this decision.

[runnerwoman]

I don't have any good advice about using your name. But you have nothing to be ashamed about; anyone who would condemn you for deciding to save your son from a world of anguish is a lost cause.

Anyway, I mostly wanted to tell you that Susan Estrich is awesome. She was a keynote speaker for an event I was in charge of last year. She flew halfway across the country to a small town, where she was the most down to earth, fun, smart woman. She sat and talked with us for hours, including several spent in a dive bar. If you get the chance to meet her in person, grab it. I'm thrilled you're involved with her project.

[Amy in KC]

I would lean toward using the real name, but protecting yourself by going unlisted and having a PO Box.

But whatever you decide, remember that you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You made a difficult decision when faced with a heart-breakingly difficult siutation. And nothing anyone can say to you or your family will change that.

[Aurelia]

Protect your family, use a pseudonym, lots and lots of authors do it, from Mark Twain to Anne Rice, and they weren't writing about anything controversial. Make your phone unlisted, and ask the police what else they can do. I'm saying this because I had to do a medical termination with our son and have spoken about it to politicians and press but always known the danger. Even in Canada where it is legal, we have had doctors shot and clinics bombed. Yes, they go after doctors, but what if the tactics change? What if the pro-life nutjobs decide to take your family instead of hurting them? Publishers can protect you, and most of the MSM will respect your privacy, but you can't replace your family. And we need more women to speak up and tell their truths, IMHO. I'm thinking of you...

[Croupier]

I can only comment on the writer issue:

Luv, any publisher who doesn't want a writer who is able to tell such a complex, fraught story has xir head up xir ass.

[Clare]

Yes, I'd use my own name, as you put it, out of pride in my family and myself. I had an abortion when I was 29, and have never regretted it. I don't care who knows or what they think, and that goes for my ultra-Conservative Roman Catholic father. I signed the MS> survey earlier this evening, anf came across your blog via Cecily's.

As for the playa-haters who would bomb your house - they are probably too busy robbing convenience stores for beer money to go on line to find you. Besides, you have to pay $20 to get an address from Yahoo these days, and even the furious don't want to cough up 20 bucks.

[jennifer]

I came over from Cecily's blog and I just wanted to say that I went back and read the story of Thomas, and your testimony to the Texas state legislature. You are such a strong woman. Brave and courageous because it definitely took some balls to stand up in front of all of those people and tell your intensely personal and intensely painful story, knowing that they might judge you harshly for it.

[Leggy]

God what a hard decision. I have struggled with how much to talk about in my life, but the circumstances and consequences are quite different.
Do you read Claire Du Jour? She just published a book (about getting her child through molestation and subsequent drug addiction) and is doing appearances under a pseudonym to protect her privacy. She might be able to give you some perspective. Let me know if you need her contact info.

[tessy]

I haven't read the posts, so forgive me if I'm repeating someone.

If you use a false name, you can't tell us about your book on your blog and we won't be able to go and buy it. It may also limit your ability to do a virtual book tour via blogs. And if you do have to make appearances (interviews, book signings, etc.) won't that give away your identity?

Just my thoughts.