National Blog for Choice Day

Cecily brought to my attention that today is National Blog for Choice Day, an idea sponsored by NARAL to coincide with the 34th anniversary of Roe v. Wade. Since I'm just finishing this post around 9:00, you'll probably be reading it the day after National Blog for Choice Day.  Sorry about that!

I've made my feelings about the right to choose clear on this site.  I have a deep personal history with abortion - something I never pictured myself saying - after having to decide whether or not to end my son's life when we discovered he was suffering from a severe form of Arthrogryposis.  If you haven't read that story, please do before you comment today.  It's important to me that you know my whole story first.

I have always believed in a woman's right to choose.  Even though I was raised as a Republican (remember, there was actually a time when Republicans believed in small government that steered clear of religious topics), my parents both shared forward-thinking views on things like women's rights and race, and it was my privilege to learn from my mother at a young age that abortion is never an easy choice, but that life doesn't always give us other options - especially for those who are struggling with things like poverty, prejudice, abuse, addiction, and disease.

So the decision we made with Thomas didn't change my view on abortion so much as strengthen it and give it a new scope.  I had no idea that women like myself, Cecily, or Julia existed.  It just never dawned on me that very much wanted pregnancies don't always end in babies.  Once I did, I felt a strong call to speak out; to let people know that abortion is not always the "oops" scenario they believe it to be.  And that even when it seems like a casual, easy-way-out to the outside world, ending a pregnancy is never, ever easy.  I wanted to scream at everyone I met to look!  Look at me!  I am normal!  I am God-fearing!  I did what was right for my family and most of all for my son!

And much to my relief, I found a world in which many people really did listen.  They opened their hearts and minds and really tried to put themselves in my shoes.  Some of them even changed their vehement views and made me cry tears of relief. 

I also found myself a lighthouse of sorts for other women who are facing poor diagnoses.  My phone rings or I get an e-mail about ever six months or so.  I help them in any way I can.  Some have gone on to terminate.  And others have not.  It is this fact that makes me rejoice because it celebrates the very essence of this fight: CHOICE.

CHOICE.

Choice to do what is right for you.  For your child.  For your situation.  For your GOD.  Choice to have the courage to do what you think you cannot, even if that decision translates into completely different outcomes for different women.

Choice to believe in yourself and to listen to your higher power, no matter how hard the message is to hear.  Choice to follow your convictions.  To stand by your decision in the face of those who would shame you and persecute you.  Choice to say this is mine, and only mine.  My relationship with God. My conscience.  My soul.  My marriage.  My child.  My heart.  My body.  My love.  My heartbreak.

For those of you who contend that the real debate revolves around when the heart starts or when "ensoulment" happens, I offer this:  I have been pregnant five times.  ALL of my children had beating hearts. And to date, only one has come home to live with me.  God asked me to make a decision on behalf of my son.  The next two times he blessedly took that responsibility away.  I believe that every one of them had and has a soul, and it is precisely for that reason that I defend choice.*

To those who have accused me of denying Thomas the opportunity for a miracle, I offer this: If this isn't Thomas's miracle, I don't know what is.

I know women who stand behind their belief that abortion is a black and white issue.  And I have no qualms with those who disagree with me - especially when the do so in a respectful way. That is why I believe they should be afforded the same choice.  I, too, wish abortion would end.  But I know that human beings are not capable of making that happen.  Women who disagree with me have no right to assert their beliefs over mine; their relationship with God over mine. All the legislation in the world will not make abortion go away.  The only way to do that is to end the need for abortion.  And only God himself is capable of that.  But he, in his wisdom, has let people be the imperfect beings we are.  And I have to agree with his call.

But you already know all of this.

What I wanted you to think about to day is the way in which money and privilege is so directly tied to choice in our world.  Last week when we went for our first perinatal appointment, I got a chance to talk with our genetic counselor - the one who got us through Thomas's death - who I now count as a friend.

I asked her about how things things were going, given some of the new laws Texas has passed restricting women's access to safe abortion.  We now have a 24-hour mandatory waiting period that is not waived for women with poor prenatal diagnosis, even if it is terminal - a law that would have forced me to leave the state, had it existed when we terminated.  All women are given a booklet full of blatant propaganda and misinformation, also not waived for women like me, that includes pictures of healthy pregnancies at each stage.  Women are required to read it and sign a statement swearing they've read it.  (To me, this is tantamount to telling a grandma that she's going to die of cancer and then forcing her to flip through an album of grandmothers enjoying life with their grandkids.  "There.  See what you won't get?!") The booklet also states that women who've had an abortion have a higher risk for breast cancer - a complete lie. 

And perhaps most damaging of all, Texas passed a law requiring all terminations performed after 16 weeks be performed in a hospital.  While this may sound logical, you have to consider the ramifications.  If you'll recall, I had to leave town because all of the hospitals in my town are religiously-affiliated and will not consent to a termination without approval from a review board.  Typically, those review boards only allow it if the defect is absolutely fatal.

This means that if you don't live in Houston, you have to come up with the money to travel out of state (way out of state) to find a safe hospital that will legally perform your termination.  Texas is a big state.  Many women live hours away from a hospital of any sort, let alone one that can and will perform abortions.  Now, what if you're on Medicaid?  What if you live in far West Texas, more than ten hours from Houston?  What if you can't afford tonight's dinner, let alone a trip for three or more days out of town, with a hotel stay for your husband and a termination that you'll have to pay for out of pocket ($17,000, thank you very much).  What if you're a teenager?  What if you don't speak the language?  What if you have other children to consider?

Take the case of an actual woman I knew.  She was a Mexican immigrant, very young, unmarried, and spoke only the most basic, broken English.  She had the grave misfortune of choosing a doctor (slim pickings when you're restricted by a lack of insurance) who refused to perform ultrasounds until the 30th week.  She did not know that this wasn't the standard practice.  Her boyfriend took off once he learned she was pregnant and she was struggling to stay afloat with a minimum wage job.  At her first ultrasound the doctor revealed to her that the baby was lacking the majority of her brain.  She was alive, technically, because her heart was beating.  But she was, and always would be, brain dead.

At 30 weeks, this woman had no options - not in Texas.  There were, at the time, two other states who could have performed the termination, but how could she get there?  She couldn't.  The baby was born blind, deaf, and brain dead.  And whatever hope this woman had of living her life, or securing a financially-stable future for herself or any other children she might have was stolen from her.

This is just one example.  But you don't have to be particularly imaginative to understand how wealth and privilege - even if we're just talking about the courage to feel justified asking for help and alternatives - make all the difference.

That woman had every right to save her daughter and herself, just as I did.  Roe v. Wade and the right to choose goes beyond the idea of a beating heart.  It's about protecting women and children.  It's about affording the same rights to the rich and the poor.

If you value freedom, your right to practice your religion or lack thereof, your right to protect your children and your body, then please do me a favor: look into the laws of your state.  Find out what women there are faced with every day.  And do whatever you can, big or small, to make sure that the rights of all women are protected where you live.

* A quick Google search and a bit of reading will tell you that nearly all major organized religions recognize the need for abortion under extenuating circumstances, including severe fetal abnormalities.  There are very few exceptions.  And yet, it is these later-term abortions that are being targeted by most recent restrictive laws.