Uncommon Misconception

Connection Addiction

After 48 hours of no internet service, I'm finally hooked up again! [insert thwapping of the inner elbow to raise a vein]

Man, I don't know about you all, but I just can't hang with that much downtime unless I've planned for it and have my crap together.  Which I didn't, and I don't.  Plus, I'm afraid I'll be blogging about BlogHer stuff long after everyone else is done and disinterested. (Wait, you're already there, aren't you.)

I've caught a summer cold (mega-stress and moving considered, it's no great surprise), but we are MOVED and we are CONNECTED (mostly) and, perhaps best of all, the girls have a new PLAYSET!

Some good friends of ours had this amazing play scape thing that was "damaged" in a hailstorm.  So insurance is paying for an entirely new one.  We were all to happy to take the old one of their hands.  It's HUGE.  And KICK-ASS!  And my girls can play on it relatively unsupervised.

And I cannot the feeble excuse for a post pass without mentioning the biggest news of the day:

CAROLINE IS TWO!!!

Sweet Jebus.  Birthday party to follow next week.

For now, I'm off to bury my stuffy, post-nasal-drippy self in a book.  And then bed.

It's Official

We're moving back to the big house.  Yet another house came on the market for well below our price ($40K less), and that sealed the deal for us.

We're moving quickly in order to avoid another month of bills come August.  In fact, we've already emptied our entire storage unit and put most of it in it's proper location in the house.  That, in fact, was a little like Christmas day - unpacking all my good dishes, staring into a cavernous pantry.  But the best part is that I can't recall what I gave away.  I know I gave away tons and tons of stuff, but since I don't remember what, I certainly haven't missed it.  And I also know that the pantry will remain large and cavernous because we now live on next to nothing in the way of groceries.

We're moving August 1st - which is Caroline's second birthday (whole 'nother post coming there).  We'll have her party the following weekend at home, where we can accommodate more people inside and out of this blasted heat.  And for those of you more than passingly familiar with a calendar, this also means I'll be moving less than a week after returning from BlogHer '09.  That's how we roll: chaos on top of chaos.

The girls (okay, we'll mostly Hannah, since Caroline doesn't remember the old house in the slightest) are thrilled.  Over the moon, really.  And the prospect of more sleep through the miracle of separate rooms has Todd and I bit giddy, too.  As does the dishwasher and lack of a scorpion population.

Todd has already put in job applications at the Home Depot and Dick's Sporting Goods just up the street.  And I've got leads on childcare options.

Mom and I are talking about turning the cabin into a vacation rental.  Of course, we'd need my grandpa's permission.  But it would be a nice way, I think, to recoup some of the cost of owning this place - like property taxes - while still leaving it available for family use.

Some of you had asked about the pressure of keeping up with the Joneses.  It's a valid concern.  But we're no longer in a position to even pretend.  With no credit cards, and a hardscrabble battle to pay the most important bills each month, we couldn't cave into whims even if we wanted to.

It's still going to be a tough week-by-week fight for the foreseeable future.  All we can do is continue to make the best choices we can when confronted with tough decisions.  A big thank you to all of you for being an invaluable sounding board.

An End to the Great Campout?

We've been living out here at the cabin for over a year now.  I know!  Can you believe it?!  And, as it is wont to, life has put another interesting choice in our path.

Our old house is still on the market.  We've dropped the price four (or is it five?) times now.  We've listed it for lease, too.  No bites.  There's another home in our neighborhood that's just a bit smaller that listed for $25K less, and it hasn't sold either.  The rest of the homes for sale are priced similarly to ours.  It's all quite depressing - pun intended.

This last price lowering is as low as we can go while leaving breathing room for negotiations.  But what happens if we still can't move it or get tenants?  At this point (and for the past three months, I might add) it's cost us more to live out here than it would to live there.  At some point soon we'll have to make a change.

We've set the Calendar for August 1st.  If we don't have an offer or tenants by then, we'll move back and do everything we can to continue to force ends to meet.  The $300 - $400 we'll save each month will go toward our income taxes.

I feel conflicted about this.  On the one hand (the one that still loathes scorpions and can't figure out the Caroline big girl bed dilemma) wants to pack a suitcase and go tonight.  On the other, I would actually miss quite a bit about living out here - like the amazing land, scenery, trees, and solitude. (I almost got teary writing that sentence.)

It seems like staying out here would be the right (read: thrifty, sacrificial - maybe even penitent) thing to do.  Live on less, in less, with less.  But in terms of real numbers, it's not panning out that way.

I'm tempted to slap myself for trying to sell it in the first place, thereby losing our tenants.  But as you well know, it sounded like the smart move at the time.  And even though we knew that market was soft, we didn't know just how low we'd have to go to garner any attention - let alone an offer.

In the mid-term, I think moving back is the right decision, provided we can hang on by our fingernails until things improve a bit.  In a few years we could (potentially) either sell it for a more reasonable price or be in a position to finish out our debt payments, thereby having the extra money to pay down our home equity loan more quickly.

If things don't go well, and bankruptcy was our only alternative, we would need to be in the house anyway. (Okay, writing that sentence made me nauseous.)

At this point, Todd and I have gone through our budget, double checking our numbers and trying to make sure we've factored everything in.  It just feels so contrary - moving into the big house to save money - that we feel like there must be a catch.  If you see one, please let me know.

I'm trying to keep in mind the pros of both living situations.  That way, I'll be able to move forward regardless of what happens over the next few weeks.  The nice thing is that both options DO have considerable pluses. 

Are your economic adventures paying off?  Do you have any suggestions for us?  I feel like we're walking around with visible question marks floating over our heads.

Mish Mash Mush

My apologies, but my mind has dissolved into a cloud of ... hm? Wha?  I'm sorry, I've lost my train of thought.

I'm in one of those incapacitated states that comes with overload.  I've got too much going on, too many thoughts roaming free range, and not enough sleep or energy to deal with them properly.  So you're going to get yet another jumble of updates, instead of a nice, orderly, thematic post.

My bad.

Scorpions, and how I loathe them.
Seriously, seriously, seriously hate them.  The are anathema to my peace of mind.  Case in point: two nights ago, I went in to get Caroline at about 5:30 a.m. because she was fussing.  I bent over to pick her up and as I lifted her, I caught sight of a GIANT, VERY ACTIVE SCORPION on her wall ABOVE HER CRIB!  As in, ABOVE WHERE I LAY HER WEE FUZZY HEAD TO SLEEP EACH AND EVERY NIGHT!  I'm sorry, am I SCREAMING?!  GOOD, because DAMN! A SCORPION COULD HAVE EATEN MY BABY!

I dispatched Todd to kill the SOB, and kept Caroline in our bed for the rest of the morning.  Clearly, there was no other choice.

We had the house treated about a week ago, but those buggers are tenacious.  My friend, Em, who's company did the treating, said they have to actually come out and get all cozy with the poison before it can work.  And then, because of their exoskeleton, it takes a good long while to actually kill them.  We've seen four scorpions since that treatment.  It's summer, and it's freakin' surface-of-the-sun hot here, so it's not surprising.  Yet somehow, I derive no comfort from that.

Speaking of cribs
Caroline got so pissed off the other night when I insisted on putting her back in her crib to sleep, instead of the comfy crook of my arm during my extremely limited alone time (was watching Gran Tornino, by the way, which was great), that she CLIMBED OUT OF THE CRIB, OPENED THE DOOR, and OVER TO MY BED!

Am I yelling again?  Sorry.  But !!!  and also, ?!?!?!

She hasn't repeated this stunt, but I do think the clock is ticking on the cribs life expectancy.  I'm really not looking forward to a big girl bed for Caroline.  Here's why:

1. Cost
Even at the cheapest scenario I've worked out, we're looking at a new bed frame, mattress, and bedding.
2. Mobility
Clearly, Caroline has no qualms with exiting a bed - or a room, for that matter.  I have visions of her climbing into Hannah's bed to jump on her head, throw toys at her, or generally perturb her peaceful slumber.  See also, our peaceful slumber.
3. She's my baby
4. Did I mention she can't be old enough for this yet?

Designy
When I get all mushy-brained like this, I like to do visual creative stuff.  That's the technical term for photography or (unpaid) design.  Stuff that's just for fun and not under any sort of deadline.  I'm thinking of redesigning this blog.  In fact, I'm thinking of redesigning it on a semi-regular basis.  Without, you know, committing to anything.

I want to work up some invitations to Caroline's second birthday party (!!!), but she won't pause long enough for a decent photo!  I'll have to make a more concerted effort to chase her down this week.

Speaking of parties
I think we're either doing a plain-Jane birthday party at home or a party at the local pool for Caroline.  It's hot as Hades, so the pool sounds nice and comes with the added benefit of no home cleaning.  But it's also a bit of a pain to watch lots of kids at a pool, what with all the potential drowning, etc.  Good thing I've got so much time to decide!  Hey, wait... dammit!

"Surviving and Thriving"
I was interviewed by the local business journal last week for a story about strategies freelancers are using to "survive and thrive" in the recession.  At first, I had to laugh, because I wasn't sure I really had any "strategies".  But after I sat down and thought about it, there is a certain method to my madness.  The interview went well and the story should run in a couple of weeks.  It'll give me some nice exposure.

It was also good to step back and look at my career, outside the framework of our household financial situation.  My work is in full swing, and this year is really a banner year for me.  I only wish I could take that perspective more often.

Two-Income Family
Todd has his first closing of the year tomorrow, and I'm so, so, so glad.  I'll yell if that's what it takes to prove it.  He's also seeing a teeny bit of an upswing in the amount of work - putting in offers, taking clients around, hearing promises of "have to" moves.  But we'll all breathe a big sigh of relief when all that activity actually turns into MONEY.  He's still looking on all fronts, though, for those of you wondering.

Photography
Have you been looking at the flickr account from my client portfolio?  It's over there on the left.  There's some cute new pictures from recent sessions.  Just in case you're interested.

BlogHer '09 preparations
Do I need cards for my blog?  Hm.  Something else to design.

No church just yet.
I didn't make it to the Episcopal church on Sunday.  Todd was out late (won some money playing poker) and the girls slept in, and, well, so did I.  But I do have a nice little game plan in place and a list 'o churches to check off.

What's for dinner?
No, really.  What are you making?  And when will you get here?

Score!

I gotz me a BlogHer roommate! And she rocks!  It's the infamous Moxie, of Moxie and Ask Moxie.  I know, right!  How cool am I? (Wait, don't answer that.) 

By the way, if you have anything resembling a child anywhere in your life, you should be reading Ask Moxie.  My reading method of choice is to scan the questions, paying immediate attention to the ones that speak to my needs at that given moment, and then mentally noting the rest of the topics (particularly those I'm feeling haughty and superior about) for when that particular issue rears it's ugly, I-told-you-so head.

In other upbeat news, Todd and I finally had a day of bookkeeping yesterday that was headlined by our calls to our credit card companies.  Get this: by and large, the credit card industry has managed to train actual, compassionate customer service people who have programs and plans in place to help you out.  No, seriously.  I could barely believe the kind of sensitve, authentic words that were coming across the telephone line.

In all instances, we were able to lower the interest rate by at least 11%.  In several cases, we were able to lower our rate to 6% (!!!!) and negotiate a minimum payment that was less than half of the usual.  The whole experience left me wondering why we'd put it off.  Oh, wait, I remember: scathing humiliation. 

What I learned is this: Call them.  Tell them you're in a bad way.  Tell them what steps your taking to try and turn things around.  (Maybe even let your voice crack a bit.)  And see what they can do for you.  You'll be surprised.  And if you do it before you start to fall behind, they really be able to offer you some substantial help.  And, in most cases, you won't feel like a  total failure afterward.

In yet more encouraging news, we're also switching to a slightly different insurance plan.  The deductible will be $5000 instead of $2500, but we'll save $237 per month!  Between this and the credit cards, Todd and I were able to shave more than $600 off our monthly expenses.

SWEET!

We're listing our house today, and I've got my fingers crossed that it sells quickly.  With interest rates so low, there's finally some interest in buying around these parts.  And the section of our neighborhood is now completely built-out, meaning we don't have to contend with the builder selling brand new homes.

What else, what else... oh yeah - we got caught in a hideous hail storm yesterday on our way home from picking up the girls.  It was so bad that it caused white-out conditions and it struck when we were about a mile from home.  (Have I mentioned how incredibly windy the road to our house is?)  It scared the tar out of both Todd and me - but we managed not to freak out in front of the girls.  So, amongst all the other good news, there's the "Hey, we're not dead of a horrific car accident!" to add in.

Finally, don't forget to get in on the Sew Cute Design raffle - it ends tomorrow at 12:00 CST.  I think grovelling and begging time will be over before you know it, thanks to my new roomie!

... is Another Woman's Desire.

Okay. I feel like I've mostly recuperated from my rather unladylike sellin' the house post.  (Momentary tax freak-out not withstanding.)  I still wish things were other than they are.  But who doesn't in recent days?

Which brings me to my point.  Reader Jenn gently, kindly, and tactfully pointed out that I, at least, have a house to sell.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love thee, internets?  Just that very day, I'd been perusing other posts and feeling a bit miffed at others who are far more fortunate than myself lamenting the instability of their stock portfolios and all the extra Tiffany boxes taking up space in their closets.  "Oh, come on!" I thought. 

Thank God somebody held up a mirror.

I'm not gonna lie, I'll still bitch and moan and mourn, but it will be markedly less.  Because we do still have options (okay, option).  And others don't.  And none of us - NONE. OF. US. - truly brought all of this upon ourselves.  Well, except for Stanford, Madoff, and the like.

So there you have it: One woman's despair is another woman's desire.  Let's raise our reused Dixie cups in a toast, shall we?  To better days, and less bitchy posts.

Sinking

I hate to do it, guys, but this one's gonna be on the whine-y side.

Todd and I are most likely going to sell the house. 

Ugh. I have all sorts of thoughts and explanations that I'd like to put on paper here, but suddenly, I just can't.  I don't have the energy to spell it out.

We're drowning, and selling the house is probably our only way out.  There's a lot to be said for starting over - again.  But that doesn't make it any less difficult.

I'm just so very tired.  I want to be able to enjoy my kids, my wonderful career that has suddenly blossomed, my husband and our relationship.  But we can't do any of that while living under this crush of debt.

I'll fill in details when I've got more energy.  For now, could you just send some prayers or warm-fuzzies?  We really need some peace and guidance.

Processing

Some of you already know the reason for my recent silence, but I'm sure most of you don't.  I suppose it's my duty to fill you in, since, as of the last time I checked, there is no subpage on MSN titled "All about Julia".  Though there should be.  I'm that cool.

Earlier this week we learned that my parent's retirement funds and the girls' college education funds may have been wiped out by that SOB, Stanford.  (You can only imagine the restraint it's taking for me to refer to him by an acronym.)

My parents retired early, after running their own business their whole lives.  Now, all of that may be gone - quite literally stolen out of their bank accounts.  Not to be overly dramatic, I will point out that they are still in better shape than one might expect.  This summer (when they moved most of their investments from mutual funds to CDs - which are supposed to be safe, if they aren't, well, fraudulent) they took some of their money and paid off the loan on their house.  As my mom so eloquently stated, "At least they can't [expletive] take that way from me."  And my mom doesn't even use expletives.

We still don't know anything much, and won't for a while.  All the accounts are frozen.  They've hired a lawyer and may even join forces with other friends who invested through Stanford Financial to fight for more information.  The SOB turned over his passport (after his attempt to flee the country failed - they turned down his credit card! HEH!), and the latest news I heard said criminal charges should be filed soon.  The news report also said that none of this was a surprise because "Stanford had been on law enforcement's radar for the past ten years."   To which I say, "Hello?!  Law enforcement: why don't you clue the general public in before they say, I dunno, lose millions of their hard-won money."

But I digress.

There is a lot to take in here, and Todd and I are still just trying to wrap our minds around our usual, pre-scandal, week-to-week struggle.  As soon as I emerge from the fog of all this, I'll bring you up to date and find some upbeat, funny things to talk about.

In the meantime, pull out your best banker voodoo dolls and include my parents in your prayers.

My Apologies

Today is just a crap day.  Actually, it's not just today.  I'm really beginning to feel the effects of the non-stop stress and worry of our life.  I feel beat-up, exhausted, weepy, and glum.  All of those feelings are outside my comfort zone.

My generally upbeat attitude seems to have taken a vacation (Hey, I guess someone should get a break, 'cause we certainly aren't getting one).  I don't like feeling this way.

On Thursday, Todd had his one and only listing taken from him by a relocation company.  It was a million+ listing, which is not the norm in these parts.  That's a potential $19K that won't be coming our way.  Then Friday, a good friend of ours who had (we thought) an incredibly stable job, was laid off.  Every day we hear from friends who sit at their desks watching coworker after coworker be escorted out, wondering if their next to be tapped on the shoulder.  And the news reports each night are filled with more layoffs, hiring freezes, pay cuts, and industry collapse.

I'm just so tired.  And the thought that there may not be a reprieve any time soon - or that things could, in fact, get much worse... well it just makes me nauseous.

I sent an e-mail to Dr. Luz, therapist to the fabulous and freaked-out, today to see if she can help me get my head screwed back on. 

I know there are lots of you out there feeling the same way.  Perhaps we can all join in on a pity party today and draw comfort from the fact that we're not alone.

Shallow Thoughts for a Deep Day

This morning I gave an interview to Andy Steiner.  I reviewed one of Andy's books here quite some time ago, and I apparently lured her into sticking around as a reader.  She's writing a new book about ordinary people surviving ordeals and hard times without letting it define them.

She spoke with me about our current financial situation and the changes we've made to try and keep afloat.  It was a hard discussion - mostly because my ego is no less sensitive than most, and shining the brutal light of truth on it can come with a side-dish of tears and embarrassment. 

When we ended the interview (she had to go pick up her kiddo, which was good because I likely could have leeched her whole day away), I found myself in that fog of deepness that always seems to envelope me when thoughts are too new to be fully understood or articulated.

I got online intending to lose a few hours um, network, only to find a few stories of other sad events, including the death of a baby.  So I cried some more and felt around the edges of Appreciation, which looms too large today to wrap my brain around it.

There are lots of thoughts here, about "getting it" and knowing "what really matters" and weighing out life on the scales of Importance - but damned if I can pull them together.

So you'll have to settle for a statement of facts:
I have a fantastic husband, two bundles of energy and joy masquerading as my children, a roof over my head, two loving and healthy parents, and a whole stable of kick-ass friends and colleagues who've got my back.

Come what may, you can't beat that with a stick.