[Recap(s) about BlogHer '09 are forthcoming. Just letting my Jell-O set.]
Last night, Todd and I committed a cardinal sin: speaking of finances just before going to bed. He mentioned that we were half a month behind on Mega Important Bill #1 and that Mega Important Bill #2 is due in less than a week. We let out lots of deep sighs and tried to turn things over in our minds, examining them from every angle, looking for some solution or postponement, alternative, or break.
That is why I found myself awake at midnight when by all rights, I should have been dead to the world. I lay there in bed and contemplated the precarious state of our family's welfare, examining the very knife's edge we live on every minute of every day. And I felt the full weight of our financial misfortune pressing on me with relentless suffocation.
That is also why I was awake when at 12:01, Hannah cried out from a dream. I went into her room to try and quiet her before she could wake Caroline (two awake is always, ALWAYS worse than one). But to no avail. I quieted Hannah and tucked her back in while Todd tended to Caroline.
As I passed the two of them on my way out the door, Caroline spied me, held out her arms and cried a quiet, "Mama!" I took her from her daddy's arms and she immediately laid her head on my shoulder, her full body going limp and clingy, her silky hair smooth against my cheek, her breath falling instantly deeper, telling me she had fallen asleep in that wholly trusting way that small children do.
And it was then, standing in their shared nursery, watching the swaying shadow of my body and hers against the yellow wall, one child in bed and another heavy in my arms, that I felt the full weight of our family's great fortune.
May it ever be so.