Uncommon Julia

Why God Made Grandmas

I'm here.   Sleeping better than can be expected, but that's still less than necessary for decent mental function.

And no, though the title may indicate otherwise, this post isn't some cheesy e-mail message about why grandmothers are great.  So please read on before rolling your eyes at me... well, at your screen.

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I once saw an educational program on one of those educational channels (you know, Discovery or TLC or the like) that presented one possible explanation for the female of the human species going through menopause.  The theory came from an evolutionary approach.  Since menopause is unique to humans and doesn't occur in other mammals, scientists were curious about its purpose.

This is what they came up with.  Menopause makes grandmas.  Apparently, females could propogate their own genes more effectively by stopping procreation of their own and assisting their own offspring in rearing a third generation.  In otherwords, menopause builds a new group of childcare providers and helpers for the breeding generation.

And this breeder is damn grateful.  Thank God for grandmas.

Notes from the Mind of an Addlepated New Mother

Believe everything they tell you about sleep deprivation.  It's true.

Even my higher-functioning, well-slept self would have trouble explaining to you the joy and sheer bliss I felt at taking my daughter out of the hospital and home.  Home.  With us.  To live.

I had always said that I wouldn't believe it was all real until I held my baby in my arms.  I was mistaken.  It turns out I still didn't believe it - not until I was home and nursing her in the comfort of my rocking chair in her lovely nursery.  The fear of the NICU and all that implies kept me from really truly believing that everything would be okay, despite everyone's assurances, and my knowledge of the typical outcome of an otherwise healthy, near-term infant with Respiratory Distress Syndrome.  You know me: I don't buy the odds.

But we're home now.  And guess what: My baby smells better than anything I've ever experienced.  Like sweetened condensed milk.  I bend over specifically to smell her all the time.

We're also healing.  Hannah's heel pricks are looking less irritated every day.  My staples came out this afternoon.  We're breastfeeding up a storm.   Apparently, I ordered the self-latching variety of infant, and man, am I glad I did.  The three days of no feeding and using a pacifier in the NICU did nothing to deter this girlie's lust for the bust.

Many thanks to all of you for your prayers, good wishes, and comments.  I haven't even had time to read them all.  But I am trying.  When presents began arriving at my house  today I recalled that I gave permission to Shelba to throw me an online baby shower - despite the fact that it was totally and completely unneccessary. (I know I've just doubled a few too many letters in that word, but damned if I'm gonna spell check.)  The generosity of my online friends never ceases to amaze me.  I know that all those positive thoughts coming at us from around the globe were no small part of the miracle that was Hannah's birth.

I am still dumbfounded that my surgery went so well.  In my mind, my best-case scenario didn't even touch what really happened.  I am totally in love with my doctor.  Truly.  When she ended the surgery and went to tell my husband the good news, she actually ran in and hugged him.  Seriously.

Before surgery began, she told me that she felt so positively about it that she and the gynecological oncologist had scheduled a lunch date - not a dinner date.  The former joked that all she got to do during the surgery was put in the staples.   Not exactly a challenge for a surgeon of her calibur.  All the teams involved were fabulous.  And apparently, I was the talk of the hospital.

Anyway, there' s a ton more I could talk about, and will, but my brain is about to shut down in an effort to conserve energy for more vital functions - like milk production.

Oh, and yes, my mom does rock.  So much so that you can't even imagine it.

And so does my husband.

And yes, my daughter is the most beautiful newborn ever.  You can't tell me otherwise.

:)

Banana splits tomorrow!

Well, girls, the family should be home all together tomorrow.  Julia is healing well, and was to have been released today.  But Hannah is catching up!  She was well enough this afternoon to be brought to the parent's room for tonight.  She will get one final checkup tomorrow morning, and then the whole family should be able to come home together. 

We're thrilled and thankful.  I'm sure Julia will start her posts as soon as she settles back in.  Thanks for letting me share with you over the last few days.

Grandma

Much better this morning

Quick note before we head back to the hospital.  I spoke to Julia this morning, and she had just come from the NICU where Hannah had spent a much improved night.  Julia got to hold her for only the  2nd time, and she got to feed her!! This was the first step into even thinking about sending Hannah home.  So we're thrilled!  Please keep praying for forward progress, and I'll send more news when we know.

Grandma

Banana update

Hi.  It's Grandma again.

Julia knows you'll worry if you don't hear news, so I'll try to fill you in a bit.  It's been a bit of a roller coaster couple of days, but trending upward all the time.  Julia is healing very well and got a good night of sleep last night between breast pump schedules.  So she was well rested today, but pretty tired tonight.

Hannah is still in NICU, which is more that what we were led to believe at first.  Her breathing difficulties are subsiding, but she continues to have some minor setbacks.  (The physicians continue to assure us that everything she has encountered is "not uncommon.")  But, of course, when it's your own kid and you've been through the ringer to get her here, that's tough to hear.  This evening we were told that she had a pneumothorax on both sides of her lungs, so they inserted a needle into her chest wall to relieve the pressure one of her lungs, and it seemed to give some relief.  They'll watch her through the night and decide if it would be beneficial to do the same procedure on the other side tonight.  If not, it will apparently "fix itself" with lung maturity.  They just don't want it to cause any crowding of her heart or further restriction of lung capacity.  [At least this is my interpretation of what I heard the doctor say.] 

Bottom line is that Julia has still only been able to hold Hannah one time, but we all make frequent visits to coo and pet her.  Julia is really still in wonderful spirits, all things considered.  Whatever amount of time is necessary to bring home a healthy baby sounds fine to all of us.  Todd's been a trooper for both his girls...so sweet to watch him be there for them.

So that's about it from here for now.  With luck Julia will be home Friday, and Hannah should follow within a few days.  So keep up the prayers and good thoughts. 

Grandma

Banana's Arrival!

Hi, Ladies.  This is Julia's Mom.  She asked me to get a quick post out to her cyber sisters, so I hope I remember how to do this!

Hannah Eilene arrived at 1:28 today.  6 lbs 6 oz and 19 inches.  Beautiful pink baby with a lovely round head and perfect details. 

Julia's situation was absolutely the best outcome we could expect, based on what we knew going into today's procedure.  She was able to keep her beautiful ute and there was minimal bleeding.  The doctor said that she should expect a recovery similar to a standard caesarian.

Late this afternoon the doctors decided that they needed to admit Hannah to the NICU for a couple of days due to some lung immaturity, so it was a disappointment for Julia not to have yet been able to hold her baby.  But they think that by this evening she can visit her and finally hold her.  I can't wait until she can actually give this baby a huge squeeze!

Thank you all for your prayers and support over the many months.  I lurk around and share your joys and pains.  I'm so thrilled that you are such a wonderful extended family.  Bless you all, and Julia will send more news when she can.  (Or we might send a picture later when I can figure out that part.)

Grandma  ...doesn't that sound great???

January 17, 2005

Hannah means Grace of God.

I'll be taking every ounce of His grace and your prayers with me today.

We'll see you on the other side.

Julia

I'm Here and Fine! Sorry for the Worry

I haven't gone into labor spontaneously.  Nor have I entered the obsessive realm of the nester... though I've come close.  Mostly I've been frantically trying to wrap up a work project, make it through doctor's appointments, and get the last few baby-related things done around here.  Oh, and sleep - I've been trying to do some of that, too, but it only works on occassion.

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Now we enter the random thoughts section of this post:

MY DOCTOR ROCKS!!

Seriously.  I've never had quite this much admiration for a doctor before.  At my last appointment, which was Thursday, she said so many "right" things, it bordered on the ridiculous. 

When she came into the room, she began a sentence and then stopped herself.  "Well, first, let me ask: How are you feeling?"  Yep, feeling.  As in emotions.  As in "let's make sure you're not having a break down of some sort before we move on to details."

We talked a lot about logistics (there are a lot of logistics involved when two different departments coordinate in a way they usually don't).  And then she told me that she feels quite good about Monday.  She assured me that she didn't want me to take that to mean that she was taking this lightly - on the contrary - but she feels more excitement than worry at this point.

And here's the best part: so do I.  Really.  I don't know if it's some form of denial, or if the bad week I had before helped me get over some of my fear, or if having more answers now has calmed me - but whatever the reason, I feel really excited ab0ut meeting my daughter, instead of obsessed about my uterus.

On my way out of the office, my OB stopped and said "Oh! Wait!  Will you be able to sleep on Sunday?"  To which I replied that, no, I'm sure I wouldn't.  She wrote me a script for Ambien and said that I could take one each night, if I needed, emphasizing that sleep would be a good thing to take advantage of.

Then she said she'd be on call all weekend, and that if I had any questions or concerns, I should call.  "Even if you're just feeling overwhelmed and need some reassurance, don't hesitate to call."

Really, I didn't make that up.  She at least qualifies for demi-god status in my book.

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Some important points about Monday:

Surgery is scheduled to begin at 12:30 p.m. (CST).  I am bringing my laptop to the hospital, but I'm not at all sure of the connectivitiy situation there.  The goal is to have my mom be able to update you all on my blog from somewhere in the hospital.

If she can't, Shelba has generously offered to keep everyone in the loop.  I have her cell phone number and we'll call her and she can post on her site.

I expect to be in the hospital for four days.  That means a release date of Friday.  But that's all subject to change.  It may mean that I can't post much until I get home, though.

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Oh, about my last post: for the record, my husband wasn't turning down the nookie completely - just that night.  And really, who could blame him, what with all my obvious sex appeal!

We did laugh for hours, though about it.

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My parents are coming down today.

I AM GOING TO HAVE A BABY ON MONDAY!

A Scene from Our Bedroom

The following scene took place while my husband and I were lying in bed last night following a good mexican food dinner:

Me: Wanna have hot sex?

Him: No.

Me: Hm.

[pause]

Me: You know, we really should, though, at least once before the baby comes.  It'll be our last chance for a while.

Him: Hm.

[a few minutes of silence]

Me: [giant pregnant belch]  Oops.  Sorry.

Him: Ew.  I think I can smell that one!

Me: Really?  I didn't think it was that bad.  I couldn't taste it.  Usually, if there bad enough to smell, I can taste 'em.

[pause]

Me: I don't know why you don't want to have hot sex with me.

Good Question

Bridget poses a good* question:

"A question - if you keep your uterus and get pregnant again, what are the chances of this happening again?"

The chances are so good that I will have some form of a placental disorder that Dr. Special and my OB have agreed to treat any future pregnancy with the assumption that I will have increta (or worse) and plan for a c-section hysterectomy.  This doesn't mean that they won't still do diagnostic work to determine what they will be faced with, should this ever even come to fruition, but they have all universally assured me that I will not have more than one more pregnancy.

But wait!  There's more:  Perhaps the larger issue here is that this c-section and surgery to remove the placenta may have another consequence.  More uterine scarring.  Get it!  Do you see it?  The irony?!  Really, one must admire the perfection of the catch-22.

If they manage to save my uterus, we will be beyond cautious with regards to contraception until such time as we think we're ready to try again.  At that point, we'll do another HSG to check out the uterine situation.  It may well mean another laparoscopy/hysteroscopy, balloon-in-the-hoo-ha treatment.  And all of this is just to get back to the point where we could attempt another pregnancy. 

Oh... and (wait for it) of course (here it comes) the further irony (yes!) is that all of these surgeries will have made my uterus EVEN MORE suseptible to placental disorders!  HAAAHAA!

And let us say nothing of what might happen should a subsequent pregnancy end in, oh, say miscarriage.

So, you see my kind readers, saving my uterus is the immediate goal, but it is by no means the end to my saga.  That said, I will still mutter, "PLLEEEEEEEASE don't take it out!" throughout Monday's surgery.  'Cause although she can be a tempermental bitch, I really do love this uterus 'o mine.

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*I had a high school teacher who once defined for us the difference between a good question and an interesting one.  A good question being one she could answer.