Uncommon Julia

"And That Has Made All the Difference"

Five years ago, for better or for worse, I began this blog.  I barely knew what the term "blog" meant, and certainly had no knowledge of the finer points of blogging.  Indeed, I doubt very much that there even were any "finer points" just yet.

But I was - how shall I put it - in a bad way (one needs only look back at my first entry - the bitterness practically leaps off the page) and the idea of a blog looked an awful lot like a dangling lifeline.  I'd spent the past month on a message board that was new to me, bearing the dubious title "TTC After Multiple Miscarriages".  I wasn't even certain I belonged because, as my OB at the time pointed out, I'd only had two regular miscarriages and three was the magic number.  Thankfully - or perhaps, fatefully - I stuck my toe in anyway.  There I met Ollie.  She was one of a small, elite group of women who had given up the saccharine "baby dust" and "cyber hugs" in favor of a harder, darker, more fact-based approach to infertility.  It felt infintely better than the other boards, and yet, dauntingly sad.

Ollie shared a link she'd found to one of these newfangled blogs one day, warning that it may be a bit "darker" than we might be accustomed to, but funnier than hell.  It was getupgrrl.  She had only begun her blog a month before, and I read each entry in about a half-hour.  It was spectacular.  She had the gumption to poke fun at some of the most horrific scenes associated with loss and infertility.  She dazzled me with entries like "Top Five Embarrassing Things You've Said to Your RE While Under Anesthesia".  Her wit was scathing and snort out your nose funny and she gave me permission to do the only thing left to do: laugh at the horror of it all.

From getupgrrl, it was only one small click to a little pregnant, which everyone recognizes at the gateway drug to the infertile blogosphere.  Within a week I had decided that I should start my own blog.  It was equal parts ego and desperation.  And apparently, that's just the mix my soon-to-develop audience was looking for.

The next five years brought more changes that I could foresee.  And this blog played a central role in much of those changes.

Life is truly and fundamentally different today than it was five years ago.  This blog was indeed a lifeline.  I feel much better in this skin.  I am, truth be told, an unabashed optimist.  Playing the cynic just doesn't suit me very well or for very long.  So, in the interest of continuing this saga (as everyone else has, I've toyed with the idea of stopping, but my ego intervenes), I think a good housecleaning is in order.  I'm going to work on a new design, update (Lord help me) my blogroll, get rid of the old reviews and other side items, update my "best reads", and maybe even figure out how to get my search tool back.

So, not a minute too soon, my New Year's Resolution is to blog better.  I'm not sure precisely what that will look like, but 2009 is sure to bring challenges and I'm going to need you all here to see me through them.

Thank you from the bottom of my egotistical little heart for five years of shared knowledge, grief, love, and cammeraderie. 

Role Reversal

This year, Hannah finally seems to have gotten the hang of this Santa business.  We got all dolled up on Thursday and headed over to the mall.  We got there and stood in line behind two other groups.  As we watched the first group go, Hannah seemed a touch nervous, but nothing approaching the screaming hysterics of yester-years.  Caroline was oblivious and just wanted to walk all around, under ropes and through scenery and into the nearby jewelry store (good luck, chica!). 

After about ten minutes, one of the "elves" turned to us and said, "Did no one tell you what's going on?"

"Uh... I guess not."

"Santa is going to feed his reindeer.  It takes him forty-five minutes.  He'll be back for pictures then."

"Do we lose our place in line?"

"Well, not if you stand here."

Um.  Thanks.  We headed up to the food court and hand lunch while we wanted, narrowly avoiding chicken-nugget-meets-velvet mishaps (yes, plural).

When we returned, there was a line of about thirty groups.  Yay!  But everyone was in a good mood, and Todd stood in line with the stroller and Hannah while I traipsed around after Caroline who just giggled and walked/ran all over the place.  When we got to the front of the line, I had to hold Caroline back because she was poised to bolt into a stranger's holiday moment.  And when it was our turn, she walked right on up to Santa.  Hannah sat on his lap, looking not altogether thrilled, but not horrified (win!).  When I picked up Caroline to place him on her lap, her smile melted and a nice little holiday freak-out ensued. 

True to form, we chose the picture with the screaming child, and left two other perfect pictures of Hannah by her lonesome, smiling her most winning, gimme-some-presents smile.

For your enjoyment:

By the way, when did my kids get so grown-up?!!

Country Livin' And Creepy-Crawlies

Several of you asked how it's been living out at the cabin, both generally and in terms of the "friends" who share our environs.

The big, overarching, general sentiment is this: We love living out here.  It suits us more than we ever expected.  Does it suck not having a dish washer?  Yes.  Does it suck having three rooms total in the entire house?  Decidedly so.  But when compared to the benefits, those items are (almost always) easy to overlook. 

Being able to leave my windows open at all hours with not a single care about neighbor's prying eyes; taking long walks both with and without the girls all over our 45 acres; taking pictures of all the beauty around us; teaching the girls about animals, trees, swings, and how to get good and dirty; sitting on the porch swing and listening to the sound of wind through the cottonwood leaves; having a campfire on a Tuesday night for no good reason at all and watching Hannah's curls glow in the fire light while we eat s'mores and read a bedtime story - all of these are well worth the other inconveniences.

On the practical side, insulating and dry-walling the girls' room has made a huge difference in the overall comfort.  I sleep better at night, the energy drain is significantly reduced, and Hannah has her yellow walls back.  Our living/kitchen/dining area is still that awful paneling, but we make do.  Now that the weather has turned, we aren't dealing with the loud window A/C units, but we're still paying dearly for the space heaters.  Plus, the lack of white noise previously provided by the window units has lead to some sleep difficulties for the girls.  Caroline now seems entirely addicted to sleeping in her pack-n-play in the living room.  Which means Todd and I are relocated to our bedroom from about midnight on, come hell or snoring high water, and if Hannah wakes up first in the morning she has to entertain herself until Caroline wakes up and we can all go have breakfast.  I'm thinking a white noise machine or CD or something is in order.

As for the bugs, we'll there not usually an issue.  The scorpion season hits it's peak around August, and then tapers off.  Fortunately for us, my best friend owns a pest control company, so whenever I spy anything creepy, I give them a call and have the joint blasted.  About a month ago I saw a scorpion, and killed it (much to my surprise) all by my lonesome.  Though really, I had no choice.  Todd wasn't here.  If he had been I would have squealled and run, flapping my arms the whole way, to ask him to dispatch the nasty bastard.  That's how I roll.  A day later we saw two giant spiders in the girls' bathroom.  So I called and had a fall dose of pest contol.  We really haven't seen anything since.

When it comes to long-term plans, we really have no idea.  I think we'll stay here as long as we can.  Our financial situation is tolerable, but still shaky.  We really have to keep things pared down as much as possible for the next, well, pretty much forever.  That is unless something unexpected happens in terms of either of our careers.

Our renters are nice and they take spectacular care of our home.  It's cleaner than it was when we lived there.  They have one high-school-aged daughter and another in college, and no animals of any sort.  Maybe I'll actually be able to keep a clean house when we hit that stage.  But they have also fallen on tough times (he works in banking) and have been late with the rent every month - though they always come through.  We have an 18-month lease with them, but we're not entirely confident they'll be able to stay much longer.

When I allow myself to think about ideal future plans, here's what I would love: Great renters (or a string of great renters) to keep our house occupied and generating income for the next five years.  Pay off every speck of our debt, including our parents.  Negotiate access to our property on the far side of the creek and plan to build a small-ish house there, keeping this place as a little guest house for out-of-town family and visitors.  That also involves buying the land from my parents and grandpa.  You know, with all the money that'll be falling out of our... well, you get the point.

Realistically, I have no idea what the next few years will bring.  Todd is pursuing a job at his old company.  It's a standard 8-5 job with benefits.  Not great benefits, but benefits nonetheless.  He would presumably maintain real estate on the side.  Which leaves me, well, a little freaked out.  I'd have to make sure that he and I are clear on exactly how much of my career(s) I'm willing to give up; not to mention how much we can afford to give up.  We can still only afford to send the girls to daycare three days a week at most, so if Todd goes back to a standard schedule, my Tuesdays and Thursdays are no longer work days.

I'm sure many of you looking in from the outside have felt that was the smart move all along.  But I'm still not sure it is.  For starters, Todd doesn't like the job.  Yeah.  That's kinda big.  Then we have the unavoidable fact that despite offering consistency, it's still markedly less money.  Less even than what he made overall this past year.  And less is less, no matter how you dole it out.  He's looked elsewhere, but no one is really hiring much, and with no college degree, there aren't many fields that pay what he's accustomed to making.

As for me, I'm making enough independantly that it woudl be tough (though not impossible) to find a regular job that would pay as much.  Not to mention, me taking a job would require a signifcant increase in childcare, and the cost associated with it. 

No matter what happens, I don't see us being able to (or wanting to) move anywhere else, including back to our old house, anytime soon.  And that's probably fine.

Any tips for snoring husbands or sleepless children much appreciated.

Question of the Day: Caroling...

Today has disappeared into the suckhole that is a migraine.  So instead of answering your questions, I leave you with another to ponder:

Caroling: Holiday merriment or forcible Karaoke?

That should give you an idea of the sort of evening I'm in for... migraine and all.

Answers!

(by topic)

Curly Locks: Caring for my Kids Kooky Curls
I tend toward the alliterative sometimes. You might think I've had wine, but I've not.  Anyhoo.  Hannah's hair care regimen has improved with a couple of good hair cuts to get rid of the super-fragile, tangly ends.  We used to give her a bath every night, but over the past few months, we've gone to an every-other-night set-up unless there are mitigating circumstances involving mud, bodily fluids, spills, or syrup.  During every bath, we wet her hair and use a heavy conditioner (I like the kids brand in the orange stand-up tube with a picture of a comb on the front.  I'm not sure about it's chemical free status, but it's tear-free and heavy enough for her curls).  With the conditioner in, I use a wide-toothed comb to get out any tangles.  Then we rinse, trying to leave a teeny bit in.

We shampoo about once a week.  I use Burt's Bees baby wash and shampoo.  I love the smell of it, it's free of all the no-no chemicals, and I can hose off every square inch of both girls with it.  Any time we shampoo, it's followed up with the conidtioner and comb.

During the day, we don't really do much.  If it's crazy after a nap or in the morning, I use a spray bottle of water and a bit of detangling spray, comb it through and then let it reset on its own.  The trick there is to do it soon enough that it dries before she gets in the car.  Otherwise we wind up with severe flat-head in the back.

It's getting longer now, but still counts as a bob when compared to everyone else.  It's also getting thicker, which actually helps things.  She likes to use bows (those aligator clip ones), headbands (though they don't stay in long), and every now and then we'll do a ponytail or two pigtails (I think the pigtails look is the cutest thing ever and I obnoxiously sing my white-chick knock-off of "Afropuffs" everytime).

Tine asked for tips about keeping it out of her face and clean before the day is out.  I have none.  Hannah only wishes for hair long enough to whip around and drag through things.  (Man, oh man, does she wish.  She's already developing some issues about wanting straight hair despite my litany of "everybody wants hair just like yours!")  Taking a stab at it anyway, I'd say the little plastic-y ponytail holders (the tiny ones that don't slip out and are harder to pull out) might be the way to go.  I've also used a whole row of those teeny-teeny little claw clips all along where a headband would go.  Super cute, and will stay put if they forget to pull them out.

My Own Pate
I have no idea how it happened, but I suddenly have the exact same haircut I've always had.  1997 called.  It wants its hair back.  Don't get me wrong - I like the cut.  And apparently, it's meant to be because every hairdresser, when given the option, which is almost every single time I go, has chosen this cut.  It suits me, and I get compliments.  It just seems rather unoriginal.  Eh.

I have abandoned the curls for now.  Really, I think they abandoned me.  It may be hormonal, but they up and left about six months ago, and without another perm (for which I didn't have the money or the folicular fortitude - more alliteration!) I was looking stringy and sad, rather than curly and fabulous.

Perhaps more interesting than either the cut or the curl is the fact that my hair has also up and changed color.  Somewhere in the last year it got significantly darker.  Each haircut has led to a progressively darker look as more of the older blonde was lopped off.  I thought I might be imagining it until Hannah asked me why my hair was turning black last night.  "Is it because you're getting kinda old?"  Nice.  I'm going to blame hormones again because I've got nothing else.  It does put a bit of a hitch in my plan, though, to go gray gracefully by claiming I was just getting blonder and blonder.

Caroline's Reflux
This really hasn't been an issue in... well, a long time.  Don't make me do math, people.  The biggest part of the cure for Caroline was rice cereal.  It helped slow her digestive tract, and combined with the medications which knocked out the acid and acid-loving bacteria, she recovered nicely.  If memory served, we kept her on meds until six or seven months.  By the time we began table food, reflux was a thing of the past.

She has had a recurrence of acid-tummy symptoms with teething.  I think her system is now a little more predisposed to an upset in pH balance.  But it's very much a non-issue now - thank God.

Because her troubles began with my oversupply, we now know that if we were to have another, we might need to start alternating soy formula with nursing sessions at the very first sign of trouble.  It's all about keeping the acid at bay.

Caroline's Tip-Toe Walking
I haven't talked about this much for several reasons.  1. With the help of my therapist I've got a better grip on sanity and I've managed to walk away from paranoia land.  2.  She is a full-fledged walker now, and borderline runner.  To be honest, number 2 gets a great deal more credit than number 1. 

Here's the kicker (heh!): She's still on her toes.  And her left is still a bit worse than her right.  But she's functioning, and she can stand flat-footed when she wants (and usually does, when stopped).  The pediatricians wanted me to go ahead with the Early Childhood Intervention people, but I never got around to rescheduling.  We'll see how she looks at 18 months (she's 16 months now).

Overall, she's still just a delight.  Hilarious, sweet as pie, cuddly, beautiful - gah!  Just want to eat her up!  She's defied my earlier predictions that she might be a tomboy, adorning herself with purses, jewelry, and hair bows whenever possible.  But she does still like the rough-and-tumble more than Hannah did.

Coming up, in tomorrow's installment: My Kick-Ass Photography Business; The Cabin, Country-Livin', and Creepy-Crawlies; and anything else you may ask before then.

Q&A

I'm coming up short on blog topics today, so I thought I'd make you guys do the work.   Ask me some questions and I'll tell you no lies.  Mostly.  I think.  You know, depending on what you ask...

Yowza

All work and no play makes Julia's eyes HIDEOUSLY SCARY!

I think it's a combination of allergies and not blinking enough during these past few days of endless computer-staring.  My OTC allergy eye drops aren't helping too much.  A person with more smarts, time, or money might actually go see a doctor.  But I'd hate to invest all of that only to hear him say, "have you tried sleeping?"

They don't hurt and none of my other family members seem to be afflicted, so I don't believe it's pink eye.  That's something.
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I know my last post was a total tease.  But I really should be able to share this one with you next week sometime.  YAY!
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File this under shameless:
I'm creating and ordering several books from blurb and other projects from flickr.  Anyone got any coupon codes?  :)  You can e-mail me directly if you feel like sharing.

Sweeeeet.

Working on super-cool, super-fun, very much national, um... thingie.  May even be able to share with you, at a later date.  Work life becoming more enjoyable each month.  Yay!

Small House Disadvantage #114

Okay, so I made that number up.

HIDING PRESENTS.

Where in the world to I hide two poofy "princess" costumes, one wooden puzzle, one remote controlled car, one rather large-ish bag of kid's clothes, a Tinkerbell bike, and all the other crap I'll be accumulating over the next weeks?  I can't even find room for my own boots.

Suggestions?

Escape!

I've escaped!  Todd presented me with an opportunity I could not pass up: one day and night of poker playing and boxing match watching, in return for one day and one night all on my own at a local hotel.

So here I am, living it up with no one else to answer to!  I checked in and, after weighing all my options, took a nap.  Then I rolled over and took another.  Then I went to see Quantum of Solace.  Then I picked up some wine, chocolate, and dinner from and brought it back to the room.  I am now so full that I'm having trouble breathing.  It's wonderful!  There's a jacuzzi tub with my name on it and more glorious sleep in my future.

Viva la mom-iday!