Lately I've been pondering a shift in our personal interactions. By "ours", I mean, people at large - not here in my lovely microcosm of the interverse. Actually, I think I may more specifically mean Americans, because I don't have any recent first-hand experiences in other countries to draw from.
The shift is about the distance that has developed, even amongst good friends, wherein we no longer discuss controversial issues. Now, I'm from the South, and I do understand the holy trinity of taboo topics (money, religion, and politics) while in polite (read: unknown, and/or business-related) company. But what I can't quite wrap my head around is our unwillingness to talk about truly important topics with our good friends and family.
If we can't talk about these things with our friends, then who?
Sadly, the answer is obvious: No one.
And do you know what happens when we stop talking about the important issues? We become insular. Static. Inflexible. We are no longer challenged. We stop researching and asking questions. We forget how to change our minds. It becomes easier to believe that those who hold different views must be evil or "less than" because you don't realize your neighbors or church-friends or high school buddies are "those people".
From my perspective, it hasn't always been this way. I vividly recall debates in junior high and high school about abortion, religion, war, voting age, drinking age, and a myriad of other topics that would cause today's administrators and teachers to blanch and hide under their desks while they awaited a firestorm of lawsuits to hail down upon them from every side.
But do you know what? Those debates helped me form, rethink, reconsider, and reform my opinions. And that's a skill that's fundamental to life as a successful, happy, functioning human being.
As an adult, I've been put in circumstances that have forced me to question my values, opinions, and even my silly, superficial assumptions. Sometimes I change my mind. Sometimes I become even more certain.
Of course, there are risks. Firstly, you may make an ass of yourself. You're bound to put your foot in your mouth at some point. Secondly, you may make those close to you uncomfortable. Scratch that. You WILL make those close to you uncomfortable. And they will return the favor. But if you agree to approach these subjects by giving one another the benefit of the doubt, by truly trying to see the other's point of view, even if you disagree, much of the awkwardness and hurt feelings can be avoided. Much. Not all.
For someone like myself - who picks up on every little cue of discomfort and is easily shamed or embarrassed - these risks are very real and quite intimidating. But I still believe they are worth it.
I began this post on the weekend, intending it to be an introduction to my first audio interview about a subject that is important, yet far too rarely discussed: race. I had no idea that the consequences of becoming insular and closed-mouth would be so horrifically demonstrated as they were on Sunday when Dr. Tiller was murdered.
I am not claiming that his murderer could have been swayed by a nice chat with the doctor - insanity tends to interfere with honest, forthright discussion - but I do think that by embracing open discourse as a society, we can go a long, long way toward fostering understanding and striving for the common goals that unite the vast majority of us.
Most importantly, opening these channels is the best tool we have for undermining the polarizing, hate-filled philosophies of fundamentalists and extremists of all stripes. It's the most effective way to shine light on the FACT that we have far more in common than not. And it's the crucial step for healing the divisions that are leading to more and more violence across this country and the world.
For my first step into this sometimes-uncomfortable world of public (and recorded!) discourse, I agreed to be part of an ongoing series of audio interviews with an old high school friend. The whole interview is about 30 minutes long, but it's broken down into parts, due to the constraints of YouTube. My friend, OuttaBoundz, is a professor and self-proclaimed "hip-hop scholar" who speaks on history, hip-hop culture, and sociology. His father was a history teacher of mine, and he's good people. He and some like-minded friends have a blog called GhettoGEEKS, and he's hoping to develop these interviews into a whole online radio program.
This is the first time I've ever done anything on audio. It may show. :) I think the later two segments will be better, but who's to say. Check it out, if you will, and let's all make a pact to start having the hard conversations with those who are important in our lives. Maybe one day we'll be able to do the same with complete strangers.
